go with the flow?

recently, i felt a change,
constantly, changing lanes.
where do we stand? i dont know,
im lost, confused, where to go.
what happened, to what we were,
left to right, like transfer.
i swear we were doing great, until now,
again, u shoved me into the crowd.
i dont blame u, its not ur wrong,
i understand u have bonds to keep strong.
that is why i resist and i take,
every hit, set backs coming my way.
although things werent fantastic,
did nothing, nothing drastic.
kept on going, like things were fine,
deep inside, wondering were u still mine?
thinking together do we still shine?
or me and you, both outta line.

lately something changed the view,
i did something, i wasnt meant to do,
all night ur mum had ur phone,
i called, just to hear ur sweet tone.
i cant believe i was so stupid,
my memory, overtaken by cupid.
i was scared, about to lose it,
insanity coming just to visit,
ur bombarded with questions and thoughts,
i cant do much to support.
its now down to u, what you really want,
write the same way, or change the font.
things got u questioning, about us,
"Is he mr right? or am i careless."
"Is this real or am i blind?
take it to far, can not rewind.

u need to decide on wat is right,
to take landing, or continue flight.
consider everything carefully,
differentiate wat u want, wat u need.
not about me, its about you,
not wat we are, but wat is true.
last thing i want, is u to hurt.
"promise to keep u safe", i assert.
its that claim, i plan to follow,
let it go? i dont want to,
wat to do? i dont know,
continue the show, go with the flow.



<3 goodnights. hope to see u tmr.

FANCY DRESS

alrightyyyyy so for fancy dress dated at 27/08/2010

me, thomas, andy, eric and sam dressed up as ninjas :)
i learnt how to use nunchucks for two days just for that night :D

it was a pretty good night :)

i made my own costume :)
we took alotta photos, well...alotta ppl took photos with US :)

we ran around taking ppls stuff and theyd chase us around the place, and wed confuse them by PRETENDING to give it to another one of us :)
it was fun =D

after that, we left at 10.30.
we ditched the afterparty and instead went to hansols place to showdown with him.
he had a watergun, while the 6 of us only had paper stars and our fake weapons.

we hid in shadows, behind cars and trees waiting to ambush him! :)
we had hima few times, i nunchucked him in the arm.

but he got us with waterguns....no fair.. :(

after everyone had left, me and hansol cruised in his mums car around his neighbourhood.
come to m suprise, hes a really good driver. cept for the fact he does 30 in a round about.... LOOOL!!
road hoon.

as i was in the shower u said....

   swanli         says:
*have a nice shower
*ill just keep talking to you here :)
*even though i know you wont reply :( but you'll have something cool to read when you come back :)
*so yeah ! :) i like going out with you :)
*im reading your blog atm, and listening to the music on it.
reading the post makes me smile so much :)
*i love you majorly very much (L)
*hm since i have nothing else to do, let me tell you some reasons why :)
*well, i know i always say that being around you, i can be myself.
but seriously, thats SO true.
like, with other guys, it always felt like i still had to impress them, even though we were already dating.
you know?
*with you, i WANT to impress you, but i don't feel like i HAVE to, because you're just so understanding :)
and you always make me feel good about myself, and you help me love myself :)
*oh and even though you bag me mostly, its funny and cute :)
and you always listen to me, and i can tell you everything :)
i can kind of treat you like a friend, but you're more than that?
hahah you're like my bestfriend and boy in one :) its awesome.
*hm, lets see.. what else ... oh oh , you still give me butterflies :)
i know its been 10 months almost, but everytime you look at me, everytime you kiss me and everytime you hold my hand
i still feel like how i did the first time :)
*i love it :)
*anyway i think this is gonna make your head hurt reading, so ill talk to you when you're back
*i love you (L)



- You officially made my entire year. that was the most beautiful thing ive heard anyone say to me. i love you baby, alot and forever <3

today :D

so its been quite a while since we last hung out PROPERLY.
but today made up for it all :)))

brief run down...
so today we went to a birthday party together. :)
although i didnt know anyone there (cept for laura) i had a goodtime just hanging out with u :)


although we lost the first pool game...we came back to win the second :)
and it wasnt JUST cos of me, it was teamwork, OUR WORK :))))

afterwards, wen they went to eat, we bailed to buy some dvds u needed to buy :)
so we walked for quite a bit actually LOL, but holding ur hand made the time fly,
i wish the walk went forever, so i wouldnt have to let go <3

NEXT, we went to eat :)
ur so cute and beautiful :) i felt like the luckiest guy in the whole world, being able to sit across the table from u. <3

i found it really cute how we kept on switching our meals :)))
and the way u say CHA SIU! :)

wen we were done, we walked out to go get our bags from the locker in state library, ONLY TO FIND, state library was closed D:
my bag and ur jacket was in the locker D: which i had to get next morning.

i was more worried that ud be cold, rather than my bag.

we went back to glen waverley together :) it felt so good how we held hands and laid our heads ontop of each others :)
ON THE WAY, we did a little detour.
and took the next train back to glenwaverley :)

after u left, i sat on the train all alone, wishing u didnt have to go :(

right now as we speak, as im writing this, i miss u alot :(
i know this probably isnt really nice, but i hope that u actually do wake up at 3am again and call me :(
i miss ur voice
well its quite late, and im suppose to wake up in like.....5 hours LOL
so yeah, goodnight baby, i love you. <3

goodnight blogger :)

blocked

okay so the other day, i was with a frend.
he signed into his facebook and came across a post u made.
suprised, cos i thought u had deleted or deactivated ur facebook...
soooooo by then, i kinda figured u reactivated it or something.

to see how u were going, i tried to search ur name.
but shocked to find, u werent there.
so it has come to my mind that u had blocked me from ur facebook.

at first, i was like "oh wth."
but now i guess its not really that bad, i cant blame u. not after all that.

so i guess u REALLY do want me out of ur life huh?
in that case, alright. done deal.

new playlistttttt ---->>>>

OMG its been quite some time since my latest post right...?
well atleast it feels like it!
sorry, ive just been OBSESSED with LORD OF THE RINGS FOR THE PAST 3 days!!!
i finished all three movies!!
i highly recommend u watch it. its alot more intersting and ACTION packed the second time u watch it, cos i guess ur older NOW and u understand the concept better...trust me, jsut watch it again, ull love it!! :)))) <3

hmmmm so wats going on? methods is being a dick, havent had the average required to do it next year...i shoulda tried harder for the last sac. awell...
so i need to try and study REALLY HARD to be able to do it next year....so thats my excuse if i dont post anything as often.

ive also noticed that some of my blogging frends havent been posting as often either. i suppose after some time u just cbs...
but keep posting!!! i read ur posts!! :)

and chinese zomg, so in regards to the oral sac, its been postpooned to THIS saturday...
so again im in the same sitation, i told myself last week this week would be my chink study week, but obviously i slacked off again, and now im sitting at my laptop wtfing...LOL

so in regards to any outings or parties i cannot attend, its due to my chink and methods. so please forgive :)

ANYWAYS, today, there were parent teacher interviews :D which means DAY OFF!!! dix on u avlia only half day. and DIX on u EVEN MORE GLENNY, only last period off! hahahaha!!

so yes, i met up with my special bird today :) <3
we havent had the chance to hang out cos of all this drama on her behalf and all this stress on mine.
so today was good. :D

i feel so fat, had so much foodd...
well yeah...

SOOOOOOOO!!!! other than just letting in to u readers wats been going on lately, heres some songs :)
enjoy them as i have :)

CHINK SAC TMR!!

omgg.....stressingg...
chink oral sac tmr...
im not ready at all.
and if i dont do good in this, my teacher says he'll fail my 3&4 :(
i cant seem to be able to memorise my detailed study within 2 nights.
LOL
probably should have started earlierrr...

my general conversation is just wtf. its not even MINE.
i took jess's :) thanks :)
havent had a chance to memorise that either...

jason lee's class says their sacs been postponed...
so im hoping that goes for the entire year level..
but yeah, something tells me its not. LOOL

awell.
im hopinggg.....

la-titty

quoted directly from lastnight:
"very gooood, super glue a smile to your face and add some botox so you cant frown :)),
and thats good, hope it stays that way yeah,"

gnnnaw :)))

Yung Ram - Candle in the wind

thanks to ricardo :) im officially addicted to this song :)))
its quite meaning full with awesome lyrics. i reccommend everyone to click this link or copy and paste it into ur browser bar, play and listen :)
its a jizzable beat :)))


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCdya_LYH5c&feature=related

HorseFaceHelmetPerson

yes u guild master guy. LOOOL :)
yes it does remnind me of blog msn :)
that was awsome fun :)

wenever i get the chance :)
no dude...that sounds scary..its probably one of ur "specialfriedrice.com" shit =="
LOOOL

pearnut

howdy doodle poodle noodle! :)
yes i read ur blog :(
wen i was sad i actually missed u and was looking for u to talk to.
but i couldnt find u.
awell, the hard times have passed now,
me and her are good.
but just for the record, i miss u too :(((

and to put this out there, nothing changed after the tomato on my hoodie accident LOOOL
it was just fustrating, but now im good :)

anyways. whether or not we talk as much as we DID, we're always best of frends.
ur definatly up there on my podium thing, irreplaceable :)

wat happened?

so i thought we made up last night and everything was alright.

today wen i saw u at lunch. u were acting all silent and moody.
i tried to find a excuse for u so it wouldnt be awkward and asked if u were tired.
u replied yes.
i kept trying to act like nothing was wrong and tried to cheer u up.
but it obviously wasnt working.

u went to ur singing lesson right after, only left with a wave. even though i walked with u there.

i disregard.

afterskool u had choir, u AGAIN went up the stairs to the music center with nothing but a wave goodbye even if i walked right next to u.

i tried to disregard again.

u told me that u would be out after 4 oclock, lastnight. i waited for u....u hadnt come out, and i was worried u had already left. i sat outside waiting just incase.
i look inside the music centre from the windows, i see a clock on the wall saying 4.15
u finally come out. i waited for 15minutes.

...... :\

u said u needed to go to the toilet.
ok fine.
u went in there and stayed in there for like 10 mins as i was waiting outside not knowing at all why u were taking so long.
soon enough inside i had an idea. u were changing for work.
ha...how foolish i was to think u remembered.
i tried really hard to make myself believe u werent....
but u soon walked out, revealing u did.

alright so that didnt really matter. cos its not my reason to see u today.

u asked me what we're gonna do now.
by then i was pissed. u ask me wat we were going to do right after u went against everything planned.

i answered i was going to badminton and u should get picked up now.
i hoped ud say no, u wanted to stay with me and u were sorry.
as expected, u pulled out ur phone and called ur dad to pick u up.

we walked outside badminton. i walked into the front room and u kept on walking. i stopped and asked u where u were going.
u answered saying u were going to wait outside to get picked up.
then u soon changed ur mind saying "fine. ill come inside."

no. i didnt force u to do anything. dont answer with a FINE. u can go wait outside if u want.

u sat down and pulled out ur phone. i couldve went inside and left u waiting outside, like wen i was waiting for u in choir.
but no i didnt, instead i sat down, with our bags in between us.

a few times i wanted to just turn around and say "wats wrong with u? we made up already, why do u have to get all moody and act like things arent the same."
but i couldnt bare to see u sad.

i held the anger in.

ur dad came. u had to go. in my mind i swore at myself, regretting not making up before u had got picked up.
u gave me a meaningless, cold "watever" kiss on the cheek and left.

i was fuming.
i never ever show if i was sad or angry infront of others, i dont only say this but i actually dont. i cant help myself but to be happy around others. its just me.
but today i was just sooooo angry that u had to make things so difficult.
everyone asked me wat was wrong. in my mind i laughed to myself, "i dont even know myself."

u got moody, and at the end of the day made it seem or feel like i was the one to blame. i dont say this just to make myself feel better.
but i seriously feel that u actually thought i was the one acting all up and throwing a tantrum.

worse thing is, i dont get a call, text, or anything afterwards.
u probably dont even know wat u did. and after lastnight saying i should tell u because u wouldnt know everything going on...

point granted that u shouldnt know everything that goes wrong in my life.
but it would seem quite obvious after u ruined all we agreed on lastnight, and act like nothing went wrong and there was nothing for me to get bothered over.

even at this very moment, ur probably thinking im so childish or immature for acting up after lastnight.
but just for the record, i tried to make it cheerful today, but YOU were the one being cold, showing me down, forgetting our agreements.

the worst worst worst thing about all of this was it happened 2 nights ago, over something i dont even know of. u still hadnt had the decency to tell me.
im still lost as to how this all happened.


this is a really long post and i didnt re-read this.this is just me venting. so if any of the above made no sense then fck it.
if u read this and thought wtf. then yes i agree. wtf.
because of this i cant even study for my chinese sac on saturday. and if i fail this i wont be able to do 3&4 chink. so well done on the worst timing ever.

i have nothing else to say but "wat happened?"

i thought i would be there for u whenever u needed.
but obviously u had other things in mind.

im sorry to think u might want to share ur problems.
i really should start to mind my own business.
i promise thats wat im going to try to do from now on.

the bloody volvo driver!

julieeeee says:
*not saying it will but if it does happen and someone breaks ur heart into a million pieces and it seems impossible to piece them together...just know
*ive got super glue



gnnawwww :)) thanks for being there julie!
u kinda rock my world. LOOOL




ps. thomas, i love you too.

since when?

i understand u want to deal with it urself and be less "RELIANT" on others...

but....

since when did "WE" become "me" and "you"?
since when did "OUR" problems become "my" problem?
since when did i become "others"?
since when did i become a "good friend"?
since when did "sharing" ur problems become "dealing" with ur problems?

so when will i become ur "past"?

no big deal.

why wont u just tell me?
cant u just make things easier? do u HAVE to make things just that little bit more difficult?
it fustrates me that u admitted something was up, but didnt want to tell me.

if u really dont trust me enough to tell me, then okay.

u say its no big deal, its a big deal to me.

maybe its none of my business. maybe i care too much.

if thats the way u want it, fine. i wont care.

hi

yes it all started with a simple hi to get the conversation started.
things were really awkward at first, but then the tension sorta loosened.
well for me atleast.
i hope in her mind she doesnt hate me....
probably swearing under her breath as she types D:

how do i make u feel good, u ask?

so tonight u asked me "how do you make me feel so...good?"
and for u dirty minded people out there, this is not meant in a sexual sense, instead, its emotional :)

but hmmm....i dont know how to say it....but i guess as to HOW do i make u feel so good......its really easy. All i do is to tell the truth :)
You are great in so many ways, i could blindly pick anything out and it just makes u "feel good"

making you feel good about yourself is my duty, it's wat i DO.
WHEN I SAY:
"You're beautiful" - you are extremely pretty and amazing
"You've got lovely eyes" - i always get lost in your eyes.
"I wake up every morning, just to see you." - you are my life's motivation.

WHEN I:
*hold YOU - i never want to let go.
*kiss you - i want to remind you i love you.
*smile - im thinking of you


i love you = i want to MAKE u smile, i miss you every minute im not with you, you're always on my mind, with you i feel comfortable, holding your hand completes ME, hearing your voice melts me, i cant be myself without you, you've become part of me.

Being with you makes me HAPPY.

*thats my question*

swanli: "me<3you"
anthony: "meyou. thats better cos nothing comes between us"

goodnight.

NEW PLAYLIST ->>>>

again, i have updated my playlist :)))
ive been capped last month so ive been behind in my music downloads...
so i have alot to catch up on :)
so if were u, i wouldnt be surprised to see my playlist change a tad more often than usual :)))

but yes, playlist 04.08.2010 ;; enjoy :)))

i'm smart!

swanli: "Ahahahahhahaahahahahah over all the time ive dated you thats the smartest thing i have ever heard you say. "

anthony:"ahhahaahh!!! that is not the SMARTEST THING.....ive said.
i say many smart things :(
smart things like.....you + me = ♥
see that was like specialist maths right there!!!

and when u add the two cells, swanli and anthony u get swanthony
abit of science...

31st of october anthony and swanli began to date. and merged to one heart and one soul :)
a littttleee essence of historyy :P

it was outside swanlis house in glen waverley, located in eastern melbourne in australia, that the question that changed anthonys life was asked.
geography :)))))

the word beautiful has been changed of its meaning, it is now a noun, referring to those called swanli.
ENLISH :)))

anthony must market himself in such a way to meet the needs of swanli, the consumer.
business 8-)

as swanli has some assets ;) shes liable for some action owed to anthony ;;;;)))
accountingggg!!

it is against the law for anthony&swanli to be apart.
legal!

我爱你。♥
lastly, chinese :) "

swanli:"omg that was by FAR one of the cutest things you have ever done :)
Oh btw, kinda ironic how you were trying to be smart and spelt english, enlish :) hahah naw but you're still soooo sweet :)

Sadly, i cant read the chinese :( but thats okay, im quite sure i can guess what the three characters said :)

Ahhh smiling so much atm, i love you ♥"



- see, i can be smart :)

oh wow

so last night was retarded.
it was like an adventure for me and sam, walking from jordanville to holmesglen to pick up drinks, then back and to a park near jordanville at like....8-11pm?

dogged us out, fck you's.

well anyways, i dont remember much from lastnight...as i drank bottle by bottle, things got fuzzier and fuzzier, things got harder and harder to remember....
i THOUGHT i saw her....but im not to sure...
well the thing that bugged me all night even right after they went drinking, i went to aarons place then home. throughout the night even RIGHT AFTER i "THINK" i saw her, i felt badddd......cos i dont think i even said hello or smiled at her :S

wen i got home i was like to myself "holy shit, i HOPE its not her...if it is, i was sooooo rudeeee..."
so this morning, wen i saw paulskis (shoutout to him) i asked him if she was there. AFTER dinner at jordanville...
he said "i dont think soo.."
i was SOOO RELIEVEDDDDD
but THEN, he changed his mind..."wait. actually, yeah she was."
BAM. my eyes were about to roll out of my freaking eye socket.
i felttt sooo baddddd..... i cant believe i acted like that...now she probably thinks im some stuck up bastard whos to snobby and arrogant to even acknowledge her.
dammmmn that was gay.

id slap me if i was her. through all that. no hi.
well i hope that this means something, and i hope that some retarded internet error or wateva happens to send this particular message to her randomly :S
"im sorry for the way i acted, im sorry for the things ive said, im sorry for the pain ive caused. i dont beg for forgiveness, nor do i beg to forget. i just wish things didnt turn out the way they did."


sigh that was really lame of me. writing to myself about her.


ON ANOTHER NOTEEEEEE which hopefully would cancel out that lameness i put u readers through.....
aaron ur house has the best cookies :)
i like.

and...ZOMG GREYLEAD LOOKING PACERS FROM MONASH ROCK MY JOCKS!!!! :D

and...i met ur parents at monash uni! woot woot! :) apparently ur mum thought i had a nice smile ;) im in for the win. jokes :)
ur dad seemed like a average joe :) which is nnoooiiceee :)
and u looked taller! as i would always say, i like the new height ;)


ANNDD...
legal sac tmr. fck u skool...fck u....
OH and that just reminded me.
chinese skool teacher, if u stalk me and happen to read this. i fckn hate u.
who do u think u are...bagging me in chink, thinking i dont understand...i dont give a shit about wat u think about the way i sit nor wat haircut i get. how bout u go learn some proper english, THEN try to translate chink to us. ur a gay guy.

and choiboi. if u read this, i hope things workout for u and KitKat ;) u know wat im talking abouttt...

omg this post is so long. so thanks for reading, i really doubt anyone could be stuffed at all reading this much. so yeah i dont blame u if u dont read it. i guess i just want to find a excuse not to study for my legal sac....and just randomly wrote out most of my thoughts in the 2 days.

oh and if u actually DO read THIS particular line, u just won a prize.
-dun da dun da-!! a....FREE IPOD TOUCH!!!! please talk to paul nguyen to claim ur prize. thank u and goodbye.

9 months

okay so YESTERDAY marks our END of 9 months :))))
i must admit, with you ive never been happier :)
i cant imagine surviving without you.
im sorry that i wasnt with u on the day, and instead i was out.
but i really wanted you to come with me :( but yeah, u didnt want to :P
and sorry for the phone call thing :S

but i really love you <3
atm, this day, marks the beginning of our 10th month :))))
woooot!
im really glad we're together, as swanthony :D

i love you baby <3