dont leave.

i know, uve told me before and ive obviously experienced it...
ur a very tiredsome person and get exhausted easily.
thats why u have to sleep "abit" earlier than everyone else...me.
u always say ur tired and ull be having a early night.
i say its okay. dw bout it. i understand..
and i do.
but i still dont want u to go.
some nights u say u want to stay to talk to me.
but i know, for some reason, deep inside u want to leave and go to sleep.
its okay. i really do understand that u need sleep.

what really DOES suck is that every night i stay up until 2am. and wake up before 8.
everynight before i sleep, i say to myself, tmr night is the night im going to sleep early. im going to finally get enough sleep.

pshttt. my ass =="

i come home seeing that ur not online yet. probably tutor, tennis or watever.
i get yelled at to eat dinner, but i insist im doing something important, im waiting for u to come online so i can say "im going to dinner."
but rarely u do actually come online at that time.

i finally give up and go eat.
i come back.
hey look ur online! :)
i havent showered, but i still talk to u first! i need to talk to u. ur an addiction.
when we start talking i soon feel as though ur not putting as much as a effort to keep the conversation going.
ur giving me closed answers with slow replies.

no matter, ill finally reply to other ppl who are waiting.
as soon as i come back to our convo, ur still not replying yet.
as im talking to someone else, ur name flashes.
i instantly stop typing and click onto our convo.
ooooh okay, i see how it is, awell maybe u are genuinely busy!

then u have to eat dinner, oh this is m chance to finally shower!!! look at the time, wow. nearly 9pm.

i come back, and im the one saying sorry i took to long.
well i do admit i take long showers :P

after dinner u come back and repeat everything, ur giving me slooooooowww poke replies. then u tell me that ur tiredddd!! hahaha go to bed silly. oh wat? u want to stay to talk to me? nah its okay go to sleep (NOT!! please stay, i want to finally talk to u.) "Okay"... wow...that was a quick change of decision :P
goodnight then.

okay well 11pm. after spending that time talking to u and waiting for ur replies, i can finally do the things i want to do. i start downloading music, watching youtube, blogging (like now), talking to some ppl that i "bbl"ed to to minimise my reply time to u :P

i have my phone next to me hoping u would call or something.
its finally 2am. i sit here wondering wat ur doing...probably sleeping.

okay im actually pretty tired now. i think imma go to sleep.

thats the end of my night. =|

i dont really mind....well i didnt really notice.
until tonight, we webcammed....u were obviously not "WITH" me.
u were doing something else, whether facebook, reading, tv. or watever.

at first i was sitting there, watching our convo slowly fade, hoping u would finally say something or even look at me.
i kept looking at u looking at something else that was obviously on ur screen.
or oooohhh and ahhhhhh -ing at the soccer.

i got irritated. so i starting saying "back" to all the ppl i have "brb"ed to to webcam u.
i start to fb more and read blogs.
sigh.
i wish u knew id much rather talk to u. but obviously u dont notice because ur reading/watching something.
then u start yawning.... ur tired. i told u to go to sleep (no stay and talk. call me.) u say u want to stay...i obviously knew u wanted to sleep. u finally say okay.

alright goodnights
goodnight.

(no i love you)

i could tell that u were pissed/bothered.
i tried not to care. i didnt start it. i start to read something my frend linked me.
i was touched. it was deep. i finished reading at exactly 1:11am
you instantly come to my mind. i felt bad...i felt guilty. doesnt matter who started it, i just wanted to end it.
i called u, knowing u might be asleep, i needed u to sleep knowing i was sorry.

i apologised, my heart sank. the problem was of course created partially because of me.
but my heart sank even more, to the thought that u just merely accepted my apology, not knowing there was a bigger problem u had created with small things that u dont notice ur doing.

after reading wat my frend had linked me, i realised how easily things could crumble if not taken or handled with care.
i just hope that u would see wat ur doing and how hard ive tried. i dont blame you. i blame myself for not solving it all earlier. its not to late, its never to late. i just hope u could see it urself because i realise now i cant do it alone.

im holding ur hand through the rain. now hold the umbrella with me with ur other hand.

its 2:13am, goodnight blogger.

PS: i love you <3