dont leave.

i know, uve told me before and ive obviously experienced it...
ur a very tiredsome person and get exhausted easily.
thats why u have to sleep "abit" earlier than everyone else...me.
u always say ur tired and ull be having a early night.
i say its okay. dw bout it. i understand..
and i do.
but i still dont want u to go.
some nights u say u want to stay to talk to me.
but i know, for some reason, deep inside u want to leave and go to sleep.
its okay. i really do understand that u need sleep.

what really DOES suck is that every night i stay up until 2am. and wake up before 8.
everynight before i sleep, i say to myself, tmr night is the night im going to sleep early. im going to finally get enough sleep.

pshttt. my ass =="

i come home seeing that ur not online yet. probably tutor, tennis or watever.
i get yelled at to eat dinner, but i insist im doing something important, im waiting for u to come online so i can say "im going to dinner."
but rarely u do actually come online at that time.

i finally give up and go eat.
i come back.
hey look ur online! :)
i havent showered, but i still talk to u first! i need to talk to u. ur an addiction.
when we start talking i soon feel as though ur not putting as much as a effort to keep the conversation going.
ur giving me closed answers with slow replies.

no matter, ill finally reply to other ppl who are waiting.
as soon as i come back to our convo, ur still not replying yet.
as im talking to someone else, ur name flashes.
i instantly stop typing and click onto our convo.
ooooh okay, i see how it is, awell maybe u are genuinely busy!

then u have to eat dinner, oh this is m chance to finally shower!!! look at the time, wow. nearly 9pm.

i come back, and im the one saying sorry i took to long.
well i do admit i take long showers :P

after dinner u come back and repeat everything, ur giving me slooooooowww poke replies. then u tell me that ur tiredddd!! hahaha go to bed silly. oh wat? u want to stay to talk to me? nah its okay go to sleep (NOT!! please stay, i want to finally talk to u.) "Okay"... wow...that was a quick change of decision :P
goodnight then.

okay well 11pm. after spending that time talking to u and waiting for ur replies, i can finally do the things i want to do. i start downloading music, watching youtube, blogging (like now), talking to some ppl that i "bbl"ed to to minimise my reply time to u :P

i have my phone next to me hoping u would call or something.
its finally 2am. i sit here wondering wat ur doing...probably sleeping.

okay im actually pretty tired now. i think imma go to sleep.

thats the end of my night. =|

i dont really mind....well i didnt really notice.
until tonight, we webcammed....u were obviously not "WITH" me.
u were doing something else, whether facebook, reading, tv. or watever.

at first i was sitting there, watching our convo slowly fade, hoping u would finally say something or even look at me.
i kept looking at u looking at something else that was obviously on ur screen.
or oooohhh and ahhhhhh -ing at the soccer.

i got irritated. so i starting saying "back" to all the ppl i have "brb"ed to to webcam u.
i start to fb more and read blogs.
sigh.
i wish u knew id much rather talk to u. but obviously u dont notice because ur reading/watching something.
then u start yawning.... ur tired. i told u to go to sleep (no stay and talk. call me.) u say u want to stay...i obviously knew u wanted to sleep. u finally say okay.

alright goodnights
goodnight.

(no i love you)

i could tell that u were pissed/bothered.
i tried not to care. i didnt start it. i start to read something my frend linked me.
i was touched. it was deep. i finished reading at exactly 1:11am
you instantly come to my mind. i felt bad...i felt guilty. doesnt matter who started it, i just wanted to end it.
i called u, knowing u might be asleep, i needed u to sleep knowing i was sorry.

i apologised, my heart sank. the problem was of course created partially because of me.
but my heart sank even more, to the thought that u just merely accepted my apology, not knowing there was a bigger problem u had created with small things that u dont notice ur doing.

after reading wat my frend had linked me, i realised how easily things could crumble if not taken or handled with care.
i just hope that u would see wat ur doing and how hard ive tried. i dont blame you. i blame myself for not solving it all earlier. its not to late, its never to late. i just hope u could see it urself because i realise now i cant do it alone.

im holding ur hand through the rain. now hold the umbrella with me with ur other hand.

its 2:13am, goodnight blogger.

PS: i love you <3

blue.

i knew this last night before i posted the last post.
i guess i sort of wanted to just see everything from another perspective.
but i think the pure feelings that i had for blue kind of influenced how the last post was written.
the question isnt blue or black.
its how to tell black, without crushing everything.

i wish i never knew. things would have been so much easier.
but i suppose it wouldve been painful for black.
i hate how this works. i hate how someone always has to get hurt, and thats because of me.

i was pissed off today. at school i was just to out of it.
but i suppose something about body checking and ramming wogs in soccer made me feel a tad better. :P

i appear offline because i dunno how to handle this. i dont know wat i should do. i dont know wat to say. but i know i have to sort things out. i have to for the sake of everyone.

i just sit there wondering....wat was it that i did? i dont remember doing anything...how did i get here?

"Men run away from their problems. A bad man would run away from the problem and never come back. A good man would run away from the problem until they figure out what to do, then they come running back."

blue or black?

wat do u do wen ur writing with a blue pen and someone offers u to write with a black pen? blues my favourite colour. but i want to write in black just not in english. probably in chinese. Chinese looks better in black.
i wouldnt want to just chuck out the blue pen, theres still plenty of ink in there. itd last me for alot of essays to come.
black does sometime work really well wen used. i enjoy black. but this blue is my favourite blue. its been with me through many tough essays. its served me well.

Anthony

Hi my name is Anthony and i love men
My lifetime want is to become a male prostitute, but not for the ladies, for the men.

O.O

ive actually tried really hardddd to stop doing the things I would usually do...
ive tried so hard to just control myself, not give myself in to temptations..
so many chances and opportunities where i could REALLY just jump out the window and grab a hold of, just let them pass me by.....why?
cos i really like my bird, and my bird means alot to me.

but stepping back and viewing wat is going on around me...i realise why should i try so hard? it SHOULD be a double effort.
i guess if she isnt going try as hard as i am...then why should i?
ive solely given up on believing that id be the only one on her mind. i guess its okay. nothing is for certain. i guess i UNDERSTAND, i mean there are once in a while when those moments come.
but yeah, i was in the shower...and had one of those "deep shower thinking" sessions..
and ive promised myself, i really dont care anymore, she has HER own freedom to wat she thinks and does. it wont effect me from now on :)

goodnight blogger.

fifa & last night

last night....wat can i say? i cant remember most of it.
7-8 bottles....thats about it...
crazy as night...
ive been told to many things, wat i did, wat i said blah blah blah.

got home, showered while drunk...had to lean my head against the tiled walls to keep myself standing...

this morning, giant headache...hungover like crazzy.

the only thing im not happy about last night was, that i lost my pink phone dangly teddy bear...it means so much to me...its gone now. my phone looks so empty. i feel guilty aswell...i feel like i let her down by losing it...

anyways, a few days late, but FIFA 2010 WORLD CUPPP!!
WOOOOTT
argentinaaa ftwwww =D

food

i just realised...looking back at the times i eat during the night after dinner...

that, everytime i eat, is wen im down.

food makes me happy i guess. takes my mind off things.
food has no problems, it either taste good or taste shit.
chuck out the stuff i dont like, and eat all of wat i do like.

leaves me satisfied.

confused

i dunno anymore.
i was pissed. now im abit more calm...
but i dunno..im still really pissed off...but i dont want this to just ruin everything..
i dunnooooooooo..

wat the serious fuck.

is this how its going to be?
just this?
if it is, then ...
...
sigh..
..
fuck it.

whatever..

u make it obvious that something is wrong.
i ask u wat. u say nothing.
i ask u to promise, u promised.
i didnt believe u.
i asked u to promise on our relationship, u promised.
i tried to believe u...

u kept sending these signs that something was seriously wrong.
if ur going to promise me but lie, then wtf.
if ur going to promise on our relationship and lie, then now i know how much WE mean to you.

im just trying to care for u and share ur load.
but obviously im not wanted or needed.

so watever, deal with it urself, deal with life urself, i dont give a shit anymore.

need.

need
   /nid/ Show Spelled[need] Show IPA
–noun

1.
a lack of something wanted or deemed necessary: to fulfill the needs of the assignment.

2.
a situation or time of difficulty; exigency: to help a friend in need; to be a friend in need.


You need me, but sometimes i need you.

i read it

last night u told me to read it.
i just got on, and remembered u told me to check it out.
just to let u know, i did read it...and dont be sorry.
im sorry for asking.
i shouldnt have.

im sorry for making it seem like i was pissed, i was just worried.

im sorry for today, the cake incident. it was just pissing me off how they kept on hassling u and wasting time.
i didnt say anything cos they were ur frends....im sorry for just bursting out swearing, i just got really pissed.
i got to the point where i wanted to punch the shit out of their faces....but they were ur frends...
im sorrry :(

im just sorry.

recent days

okay so i know that its been really shit with exams and all...
but looking pass that...its been pretty good for me.
after some pointless fights, that we've solved...
we're doing well, if not better :)
basically ive seen her everyday of the week :))))
and each day i just love her more <3

today was really really good.
finally got to use it :)
thats the way it should be :)
enjoyable :)

business and methods exam on monday then the GAT. awell :P shit happens :)
looking forward to holidaysss :))
WOOOOT!!!!

BOLD&italic

if u asked me would i promise to never hurt you.
id say NO. but i will promise to always protect you.
if u asked me if u MATTER to me.
id say no. you mean the whole world to me.
if u asked me do i like you for what u are.
id say no. i like WHAT we are together.
if u asked me do i think ur goodlooking.
id say no. I think ur the most beautiful thing that has ever passed me by.
if u asked me WILL i stay when ur down.
id say no. id STAY forever, even when ur at ur lowest.
if u asked would i bus to see u if u were 1000kms away.
id say no. id even go BY foot.
if u asked me to give u my jumper.
id say no. but everything i own is now YOURs.
if u asked me if u could take my side of the table.
id say no. youve already taken a giant SIDE of my heart.
if u asked me will u see me here again next week.
id say no. ill ALWAYS be here now, so ull see me tomorrow.
if u asked me to tell u what the highlight of my day was.
id say no. but ill tell u the highlight of my life, you AND i.
if u asked do i think would i love you for long.
id say no. long isnt enough. id love you FOREVER.